When I woke up that particular morning; that Saturday morning on the 15^th of October, I had no idea what was going to go down. I had no idea that this day was going to be any more different than any of my other Saturdays for the past four years. I had no idea that I was going to turn everything upside down and leave it all behind me. All I did know was that this nagging voice I’d had for a very, very long time had grown stronger, much stronger. It used to be a small whisper, questioning me if this really felt right – but now it was a really loud voice, crying out loud and clear that this could not go on. This voice that started wars in my mind, steering up thoughts that caused me to question my sanity and drove me more and more into someone I’m not.

I always told this voice that this had to be right, because if this amazing man wasn’t right for me – then who is? This man who always wanted the best for me, he who would follow me anywhere, stand by my side til death do us apart and who would always be true to me. This man who I planned to marry, buy a house with and have children with. The desperate cries in my head could however no longer be ignored, I had to go. Naturally, he noticed something was wrong as always, and when he asked what was up, the words I never thought I’d be able to say just came crawling out, clear as crystal - this time they could not be talked down.

Even though we had our plans he wasn’t unaware of my concerns. We often talked about it, but we always figured we would keep on fighting and believed we would make it to the end. And we probably would have if I hadn’t done what I did, but to be honest I doubt that it would’ve been a good ending. The future I foresaw for us could certainly look perfect from the outside, but inside I could only see regrets and bitterness that would’ve grown bigger and bigger. Regrets and bitterness that had already attached itself to me, and that had started poisoning this incredible man and made him more bitter by the day. There’s no doubt in my mind that what I did was for the best of both of us. It wouldn’t have been fair to him had I stayed – and I know he knows this.

 So here you have it, the proper story of what happened. It just wasn’t right. It’s nothing he did – if anything it has more to do with me.