Dug up one of Daniel Gardner’s old vlogs from 2007, where he talks about the awkward lack of guidelines we have to fall back on when it comes to choosing appropriate ways of greeting people.

I suspect many people can relate to this, I think especially here in Sweden. Swedes are probably the most socially awkward people in whole Europe, and we know it. We write about it in our blogs and magazines, and it’s a common subject among our stand-up comedians. You’d think after all these years humans have walked the earth, we would’ve figured out how to appropriatly greet eachother - yet we haven’t!

Personally I feel slightly more conflicted; I’m a hug-loving, socially functional Icelandic, trapped in a shy, socially awkward Swedes body - and the Icelander in me is tortured by this! Let me explain.

In Sweden, we don’t like touching. We greet orally, on more formal occasions we might even shake hands. Some people hug, but mostly just their closest friends and relatives, and it takes guts. “Yeah, we’re huging - what’cha gonna do ‘bout it?”. In Iceland however, you usually don’t get away with a simple handshake, no. Prepare for the full on hug, including a great kiss on your cheek. And don’t be surprised if the person within 10 minutes have started calling you “darling”. Sadly, this wouldn’t be possible to do in Sweden without the person involved and everyone around you assuming you have a sexual connection. It’s sad though. It’s such a powerful form of greeting, so full of character!

The latest real greeting-conflict I encountered was this summer in Belgium. I was going to meet up with a new-found Internetz-friend and his wife, whom I’d never met before. As I was waiting for them to arrive to the place we’d decided to meet up on, I asked myself the question I always ask before this kind of meetings. “Do I apply the cold, Swedish handshake-greeting, or do I go for the proper, warm Icelandic kind?”. I figured the Swedish one was the safest bet, and wrong, wrong I was! When they arrive, I put my hand out there, infront of my friend for him to shake. For a mere millisecond I see the confused expression on his face, like “umm okay”, before he accept my hand and shake it. “Okay, screwed that greeting up. But what about her, I’ve never met her before, surely she must expect the handshake?”, I think to myself and move my hand over to her. She looks back at me with an even more concerned expression on her face, like “what’s wrong with you?”, slightly shakes her head and give me the proper, full-on hugs-and-kisses-greeting - and just like that she convinced me that this girl, she’s awesome.

Damn my Swedish blood! I don’t even like handshaking!